Rough Day

.... Another rough couple of days.. my Dad fell and split open his hand it needed stiches.. then yesterday night my brother let me know he's lost his job.. Imagine a week before Christmas.. sad I tell you.. Anyways he asked if he could come out here and get his set of my Mom's dishes.. my sister had given them to me for him.. I just hadn't got in to his place.. well he is rarely there.. most of the time he is either working or at his girlfriends.. I expect him after lunch he said.. I'm sure we'll be rehashing family crap.. as that is our common thread but it really upsets me as alot of it I desperately want to let go its in the past.. but he has quite a bit of anger inside him about how his life has turned out.. I also know he puts on a BIG front for them.. but I have had him living with me since his divorce and till he got back on his feet.. I know that was years ago.. but I got to know him again in that time.. after all its hard to keep up a front 24/7 .. Don't get me wrong.. he does/has bugged the crap out of me in the past.. but you know life is short.. it seems every other day I hear bad news about peoples lives.. and I did promise my Mom I'd look out for everyone before she died.. I struggle with that.. as I oft feel I'm not doing it right..

The other day when I visited with my Dad.. a couple of times I cupped his face in my hands and told him all would be okay and that Mom is watching over all of us.. Him included.. he just looked into my eyes.. and said I hope so.. its awful lonely here.. I said I know Dad.. I know it scares me to death that he will pass.. but I think I could have him here with me now.. I'm not so afraid of it anymore.. I know he'd probably be happier for the time he has left and Mom too would be happy if I did.. Oh well..

Many days I am greatful for my cyber family.. they always make my day warmer when I'm feeling blue..

Nut