Just Because I Lost My Keys

.. Well it happened.. they put my Dad in a nursing home.. When I got there he was having tea with my sister none the wiser of his fate.. I joined in for a tea and chatted with them.. He smiled graciously and mumbled that he'd be there a couple of weeks till they fixed the floor.. my heart sank for I knew he had been duped.. Well about an hour later the truck showed up with his belongings.. he looked funny as he saw his stuff enter the place but said again its just a couple of weeks .. The family was scrambling to get it all in the room and placed just so.. his bed made and pictures hung.. instructions given on his few meds and his bath were explained to the caregivers .. the daily newspaper would be ordered as he likes to read it and the nursing home did not get delivery .. They all started leaving to return the truck and get on with their day.. I stayed behind with my oldest sister from Ontario.. she was heading back tomorrow and stopped by to see his new room there.. anyway she said well I'm going so I grabbed my coat off the chair.. he looked at me as if to say " where you going " he then said he'd go to his room now.. I thought oh here we go.. he'll spend his time alone in there now.. So my sister and I followed him into his room.. I sat on the bed.. she stood in the door.. She looked at me and he said.. I can't get over this.. Who is paying for this.. She answered my brothers name and he said "oh" Then she saw the sadness in his face.. the reality had checked in.. his eyes welled up.. I said to her he's going to cry.. she didn't know where to look so she kissed him goodbye.. by then I took off my jacket to comfort him.. and try to tell him things would be okay.. all the while dying inside.. He said all this because I lost my keys.. as if he thought he was being punished.. his chin started to quiver.. his nose started to leak and the tears came.. I never saw my Dad weep like that.. my heart was breaking.. he thought he was being punished by the family.. again he said " all this because I lost my keys " I too then cryed.. he was so upset.. shaking his head .. really not understanding.. but understanding his fate all in one fell swoop.. he held my hand tight while rubbing his nose and eyes with a kleenex.. he gave me one and said " oh toots " shaking his head.. tears streaming down his face.. Will you sleep here.. I said no I couldn't.. he said I understand.. you have the dogs.. " will you come visit me here " or see me when I'm in the box.. I kringed he was thinking like that.. then the caretakers came in and tried to give solice.. they did not understand his feelings.. The man said I'll treat you like your my Dad.. ouch.. Dad looked at me.. not happy.. but held my hand even tighter and gave it a kiss.. They were not sure what to make of the situation.. so Dad in his best fashion trying to buck-up said to me.. "well I guess you better go" we both looked a wreck with bloodshot eyes and red noses.. I said are you sure.. He said yes.. I'll just sit here.. so I put on my jacket and leaned over to say goodbye I kissed him and started to walk out.. he got up and followed me down the hall to the door.. again I said are You sure.. Yes.. then he asked for another kiss goodbye and I left..

Needless to say I cryed all the way home and got a banger headache.. once home here I stretched out on the couch.. and had a tea.. going over in my mind the events of the day.. tears streamed again.. How could they just dump him and walk away like that.. I know they are tired of dealing with him.. and think this is for his own good.. but I just don't see it.. and probably never will..

I'll be back in to see him soon.. its gutwrenching though..

A Sad ..
Nut