Sad Day..

... Yesterday I went in to see my Dad.. I was a bit early ( he has lunch in the dining room ) so I stopped by my brothers place he is just 2 minutes from Dad.. So I rang he peeked his head out suspiciously.. as no one visits him .. anyways I was let in and within minutes he said.. " Do you know " .. " What I said " they are movin Dad again saturday coming.. I said WHY.. he is finally settled in his new apartment.. ( moved in in July ) he wasn't quite sure.. I said WHERE.. again he said.." Not sure " some kind of foster nursing home.. my heart sank.. I said are they nuts.. when was this decided.. no response.. I said its not fair.. Why hadn't I been told.. he shrugged his shoulders.. I said why wouldn't they talk or ask me what I thought about this.. " Well they are the executers " I said " I'm his daughter " I'll take him home with me.. I have room.. and I can care for him.. " NOPE " he said You'll be out voted ".. I said .. "You mean to tell me You'd all put him with strangers over Me " Well you've been sick so much.. and he's going to be 98 this year.. and we went on and on for 2 hours.. I left feeling so drained.. His parting words were.. " Don't tell Dad " I went over to see him.. with Percy and Hoover.. It was the first time he saw Hoover and was delighted.. I had unhooked them when I walked in.. he didn't hear me as he was watching the football game.. anyways we chatted and laughed about the silly behavior of the dogs .. You see he loves dogs like me.. its a common link we have.. liking critters I mean.. as a kid he never said anything about the beasts I brought home.. as a matter of fact I had a guinea pig ( 7 years ) and he would probably feed him more salad that I would as we kept him between us at the top of the stairs between our bedrooms.. Percy of course by that time got on the couch.. Hoover went out on the balcony to watch the goings on in the parking lot.. All the while though I felt awful.. The phone rang.. it was my other brother.. " the exectuter " he said " Helen.. DON"T TELL DAD " then I'll call you tonight.. " Ha I thought thats a laugh.. I was right no call came from him.." Anyways as I knew what was again going to transpire again without his knowledge my heart remained heavy.. this would be the third move in 1.5 years.. and its terribly confusing to him.. He lived all his life either with us.. or in our house alone after Mom died.. then to the condo/townhouse across from my sister 1 year.. then here to his 3 1/2 seniors apartment.. and next to a nursing home with who knows who.. sharing a bathroom with strangers..ectra.. no way for him to live out his last days.. Boy just give me a gun and two bullets I would never want that to happen to me.. I don't want to live that long.. My eyes are welling just writing about this.. I think Mom is turning in her grave with this decision they are taking.. especially knowing I would do the best job possible for the time he has left.. at her end I was sleeping with her.. nightly and we'd say prayers together..she said a couple of times to me.. " Helen you'll watch out for Your brothers if something happens.." I said " Mom I'll watch out for everyone ".. oh how I miss those private moments we had.. Oh God I'm hurt and mad..

Sorry for the vent but its good therapy for me..

Nut